The Railway 17th April 2009

It all started one sunny afternoon when sweary Jon Biskit found himself in familiar surroundings outside a pub in the sun slurpin booze out of big glasses.

He mentioned to a few chums that "Popular beat combo, The Broken Biskits are performing some of their popular music from the hit parade tonight at that other public house over yonder, the Railway." Well true to form every fooker turned up including the band and the Mayor of Bolton so on bended knee the lads struck up and blew the roof clean off it's shoulders, I mean bricks erm?? You know what I'm trying to say so stop bein bloody picky and listen while I'm shouting at you!

The night started off brilliantly and the pub was packed! The new recruit Steve Rowland played his Les Paul into oblivion and Trevor pulled a blinder throwin shapes with his shades on like a man possessed yeah possessed by his very bright shirt and wearing shades coz newbie biskit’s sparkly bits on his tee shirt where shining in his eyes.

The whole pub sang along to most of the set all night dancing, drinking then more dancin and then more drinking and more swearing and fallin over and them some more drinking until eventually Jon stopped pissing around at half time and got back on stage and did what he was there for, which to be fair was drinking, dancing, swearing, falling over and occasionally singing a bit!

Andy C bashed away at the back, but was caught by his missis so had to go back to playing his drums and singing like an angel (talking of angel’s. Two blokes talking in a pub, one says to the other “my wife’s an angel.” The other one looks at him and says “you’re fuckin lucky mate, mines still alive”), harmonizing with Jon brilliantly, his sm58 was glowing which is good now he's stopped singing into his Janet Jackson style head mike which to be honest, looked like a small black bell end!

True to form Steve the hat Birtles stepped up to the ockey as Jon left the stage and note perfect (all the right notes not necessarily in the right order) played the solo to Comfortably Numb and the crowd gave him a much deserved standing ovation.

Meanwhile Jon was having a poo knowing he wouldn't have to snap it off as Steve’s solo would be an epic making the Lord of the Rings trilogy look like an episode of the Magic Roundabout.

The beer was flowing so well but the Landlord couldn't be arsed gettin off his stool at the end of the bar to help serve, so a few people got a bit pissed off, no one more so than the band as they was thirsty too, but hey if he doesn't want to earn money sellin more beer that's his look out!

Gareth Kirkman took over the camera for the evening and took the odd photo well, 248 to be precise some of which were actually of the band instead of his balls, I was worried when he took it into the gents!

A big thanks to the Bromley Cross Possey for coming and also to Carly who joined Jon on stage for Sex on Fire. When the song was over she was taken to hospital suffering third degree burns ha ha! She was up there singin and shakin her thing much to the bands pleasure and the whole crowd Cheers Carly.

A guest appearance from that bird off the Iceland adverts Kerry Katonka (or whatever she's called) was noted but no one really cared as she had a good night and sang away with everyone else.

Who knows the Biskits could be on the front cover of Hello, ha not likely we might make the back page of Ayup!

Thanks again To the Railway for letting us play and to all who came and made it a great night.

The Stocks 3rd April 2009

Well we turned up at the Stocks Hotel thinking mmmmm! This could be an interesting boozer? Luckily on hand was our trusty new biskit Steve Rowlands so not a worry and as soon as we started playing the punters got down and shook their thingy’s all night long (Sounds like a familiar lyric). A bloke aired his dismay when we announced another AC/DC song and he shouted “I’m going out for a fag if your playing that one” And sweary Jon asked him what was the name of the fag to which the heavily incorrectly spelled tattooed punter mearly spluttered as his mates ripped the shit out of him. New boy Steve threw some serious shapes and wowed the punters with his menacing power chords and fitted right into the merry throng! The night rolled on with plenty of dancing and singing with Emma, Jody and Liz at the forefront. Damian Robert Kenyon decided to leap on Diana whilst she was on the floor and had simulated sex for all to see???!!!! Over all a great night had by all and a special thanks to all you who made it such an explosive gig! We’ll definitely be back to this place!

The Flag 31st January 2009

A dark wintry night was the 31st of January and an air of anticipation was all around Bromley Cross in Bolton as rumor had it that the Flag was having a live band so every man, wife, dog and cat filled the pub and low and behold The Biskits blew the roof off and an amazing night was had by all! A slight technical hitch was apparent for the first couple of songs as Andy C had procured some new fangled ear ole monitor things which didn't work (blood e-bay) but once we sorted it we started to rock the joint and as we had free beer I took full advantage and was so full by half time I had to stop singing as my back teeth had started to float and I was finding standing without the aid of my mike stand hick!.. After several sobering Carling black labels we got back on stage, I mean carpet and the pub was even fuller and the party really started with Mick the paver doing Bolton's answer to Bez all night even when we'd finished he's still got my tambourine the bastard! We threw a new one in the set a Blue Tones number and it was sang along by the whole pub and when we had done our 5th encore we had run out of steam, beer, ability to stand, see and pronounce anything with more than three syllables unless it was a stream of friendly expletives. Finally we sat down and got our breath back and got the feedback from the crowd which was all great and also a couple of bookings which was nice. A great big thanks to Al and Shaz at the Flag we can't wait to do it again.  I'd also like to thank the amply enlarged breasted lady for the wonderful comments and sexy dancing and wow what a pair! The kind you’re drawn to and suddenly find yourself talking to the chest instead of the face oooops! Also a big thanks goes out to Mr Ed Simpson who travelled all the way from Hereford for the gig and got totally shit faced and spent the night talking to the aforementioned ladies knockers. After which he joined me at a party back at Ashes place where he tried chatting Ashes bird (Shelly) up and when I told him he shouldn't as she's goin out with Ash, He  said" Who the fucks Ash?" I said, "you’re in his fuckin house" Ha ha! What a great night and we'll see you all soon.

The Railway 24th October 2008

Well blood and stomach pills, Biskits are back on the road again and to celebrate we have actually updated the webshite with a gig report and piccies.

After a summer of discontent within Biskit Towers where we part-exchanged our singist Paul Regent and bass player Paul Ward for ex singist Jon Grundy and bass player Trevor Broxton, we finally hit the road again last Friday at the Railway in Bromley Cross. Sporting our new look and updated setlist we went down a storm. The place was packed to the rafters with punters out to have a good time and they weren’t disappointed as we rocked the night away. In fact we were that good that the landlord gave us an early xmas pressy in form of a bit of extra dosh, nice one mate. At one point in the evenings entertainment we even had two singists as Jon’s mate Rick Fowler got up to do a spot of karaoke whilst Roberta shook her booty to the obvious delight of everyone concerned. Our Thin Lizzy covers went down a storm with Sam as she has a bit of Irish in her (I think his name is Shammy). It was also good to see a few familiar faces in the crowd, thanks for being patient whilst we were getting back up to speed. Also a big thanks to Gareth for taking the photo’s on the night.

Well that’s it for now so keep checking back here for gig updates. 

Toodle pip

What ho, Biskiteers!

Well I never, it’s a news update. So much has happened since we were last here… Queen Victoria has snuffed it, you can now see those new fangled ‘talking pictures’ at your local picture emporium, Dear Old Blighty saw off the Square Heads in 1918 & 1945, and to top it all we kicked their arses in the 1966 World Cup. All together now, “Two world wars, one world cup…”

And amidst all of that, Broken Biskits carried on regardless. So regardless in fact, that we couldn’t be arsed to update this very webshite. There’s no point in making up excuses about it, we’re just too fucking lazy. Nuff said.

Mind you, despite our lack of contact with you, gentle reader, we’ve been as busy as ever, oot and aboot, rockin-and-a-rollin all over the North West, from Oldham to Wigan, and quite a few places in between. We’ve even bumped into a few of you along the way, and let me tell you, it was a pleasure to have your company, despite what you may have heard to the contrary.

A brief synopsis of where we has been, like: Cricketers in Oldham (Steve’s hat enjoyed it so much it decided to stay for a few days), Wheatsheaf in Altrincham (bit of a quiet one), Seven Stars in Harwood (usual crowd of drunken Biskit fans in attendance), Three Pigeons at Hunger Hill (cash flow problems), Butchers in Bolton (top gig that one), Boulevard in Wigan (so well hidden that even sat nav can’t find it) & The Railway in Ramsbottom (so good we played it twice). Boulevard in Wigan again, top night complete with Rob Halford (Judas Priest) look-a-like. Then a return to the Seven Stars, Harwood last Friday.

Stewart is still the new boy, but has now started to become somewhat tarnished, a bit like that knock off jewellery that you buy of the lucky lucky man on the beach in Majorca. In the 6 months or so that he’s been with the band, he’s got through about a dozen guitars, which means he’s changing them at a rate of 2:1 when compared with Andy C’s underpants rota. Impressive.

2008 is shaping up to be a good year on the gig front. The diary is looking nice and full, with plenty of our favourite drinking establishments, plus a few new venues to experience. Never let it be said that we don’t like change in this band! Sadly, our gigs at the Waggon & Horses in Newhey have been pulled, as the place has changed hands, and the new landlord doesn’t want bands on as regularly. Shame that, ‘cos we were looking forward to playing there again, but I’m sure we’ll get back eventually. New gigs will be added as the year goes by, but always best to check the gig list before you book the baby sitter and order that taxi, because you should know what we’re like by now…

Woolpack 21st September 2007

What happened to the Summer then? Here at Biskit Towers, we look forward to topping up our traditional English suntans (v-neck & cuffs) so that we can look sharp for the ladies, but, alas, this year we’ve had to resort to painting ourselves with Bisto again…

After a few months of stop start activity, we’re finally back on a roll (bacon & egg, and don’t forget the brown sauce this time, ya bastard), and have plenty of gigs lined up on a regular basis for the rest of the year.

We were at the Woolpack again on 21^st September, and as usual, it was a top night. Every mentalist in Radcliffe must congregate on the Woolly whenever we play there – and we’re glad that they do, because they provide just as much entertainment as we do – possibly even more! Highlights this time around included the group of ladies who turned up with what looked like edible dildo’s (see pics), the poor old geezer who got a pasting in the gents bogs (off his girlfriend, we think) and ended up having his head split open, and Paul R’s comedy fall to the canvas whilst showing off and trying to impress the ladies. It’s OK Paul, no one was watching – I think you got away with it…

The Crumpet-O-Meter (patent pending) has been safely ensconced in a dark room for the past few months, so we brought it along to this one, in the hope of clearing out the cobwebs & hitting the red line again. The good ladies of the Woolly gave it their best shot, but despite the ample amounts of cleavage on display on both sides of the bar (you know who you are), we didn’t quite manage to blow it to smithereens. Not that we’re complaining or anything…

And yet again, a fair few people made the trip especially to see us. Honourable mentions to Colin, Carly, Jeff, Rachel, Cheryl the ex-landlady& friends, as well as the Connell clan – we love ya, but you really should all find some other charity to support!

Next up are two new venues for us – The Cricketers in Shaw on 29^th September (where we hope to FINALLY put our run of bad luck gigs in Oldham to rest) & The Wheatsheaf in Altrincham on 6^th October.

See ya oot dere!

Woolpack 10th August 2007

Hello there, gentle web browser! My God, it’s been such a long time since we had anything good to report back to you on. Lots of developments and changes here in the Biskit camp, so grab a cold one & sit back while we bring you up to speed…

Following our highly successful and enjoyable gig at the Harlequin (see review below), Andy B decided that the time was right to hang up his plectrum and spend more time with his new family. And who can blame him? I think we all knew that we’d never top that great Harlequin gig, so it was only fair that he went out on a high note! Naturally, the news was a big shock for all here at Biskit Towers, but luckily, word reached us of a replacement who was lurking just around the corner, behind the counter of the local chippy. Step forward guitarist extraordinaire & fish fryer to the stars, Stewart Campbell. Top bloke that he is, Stewart managed to learn the set in double quick time, and we were all raring to go again for our gig at the Three Pigeons on Wigan Road, on 4^th August. Which brings us nicely to our next catastrophe…

We’d booked this gig months ago, having had a couple of belting gigs there at the end of 2006. However, for reasons beyond our understanding, the landlord decided that he wouldn’t be able to pay us on the night, so as we’re still awaiting official confirmation of our charity status, we had to pull the plug at short notice. Apologies to everyone who was planning to come along – hopefully we’ll be able to sort something out for 3^rd November, when we’re due to play there again.

Then came the bombshell that Paul R had been offered a new job in the beautiful sunshine paradise that is Birmingham. This put a real downer on things, as it meant having to recruit a new front man…

Any road up, in the spirit of rock n roll, we decided to carry on regardless (sounds like a good title for a film), and we were all well psyched up for our comeback gig at the Woolpack on 10^th August. The Wooly had always been one of our favourite gigs due to the enthusiasm of the punters, and we’d never had a bad night there, but to be honest, we felt that we’d played there a bit too often in 2006, at the expense of a few other places. So, as it was over 7 months since our last gig, and the place had had a change of management, we weren’t sure how we’d go down (in the words of AC/DC). Fortunately, we needn’t have worried, as the place filled up nicely, and there were plenty of familiar faces in the crowd. By the time we started, the place was busier than ever, and we were well pleased! It’s always good to go back to a venue and discover that people have turned out just to see you, so special thanks to Colin & his crowd, and all the other people who’s names we can’t remember who said they wouldn’t be there getting shitfaced if it weren’t for us. You guys really do make it all worth while. We were back into the swing of things in no time, and Stewart was right at home from the start, trading licks (copyright “Kerrang” circa 1982) like he’d been there for years. Sadly, we were camera-less for the night, so if you took any pics, let us have them and we’ll ad them to the website. Even a couple of technical hitches along the way couldn’t put a dampener on things, and by the end of the night, we were all well pleased with the result and filled with that warm, fuzzy feeling that you only get after a great gig, or 8 pints, a kebab and a fight. In fact, the night was so good that Paul R decided to retract his notice and stay with the band – that’s people power for you!

The imminent arrival of another Baby Biskit means a few more gig-less weeks while Paul W & his missus reacquaint themselves with the fine art of nappy changing.

By a strange twist of fate, we’re back at the Woolpack on 21^st September, so get there early, ‘cos the first round’s on you!

Rock on.

Harlequin 2nd June 2007

Arrived?

Played?

Fucked off home?

Butchers Arms 25th May 2007

Our first trip to the Butchers Arms since – well, our last one actually, which must be a good couple of years back now. How time flies! Mind you, that visit had left an indelible mark on our memories, as it was the scene of the infamous ‘shit happens’ pissed up woman / lighting rig / pa system altercation. That aside, we remembered this one as a top gig, so were hoping for more of the same this time around. Didn’t take long for the punters to put us at ease, as we played a few bars of Highway Star at the sound check, and everyone sang along! Everyone enjoyed it so much that we played the full thing. Can’t remember that happening before…

We’ve been sorely lacking on the ‘Gig Nutter’ front for a while now, but thankfully, normal service was resumed, as from the first bar of the first song, one bloke was up ‘dancing’, and providing everyone with much entertainment, especially when he was joined by his female counterpart. Together, they tripped the light fantastic in a style reminiscent of Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers after a skinfull of ale & a facefull of charlie.

We were really able to rock it up at this one, and dusted off Never Again (guaranteed to give Paul R a headache), Breakin The Law & Highway Star amongst others. Shoot to Thrill got its first airing, and went down pretty well with the crowd. Another first for us here, was to have punters taking out mobile phones to video us. And they got up real close too – if you spot us on YouTube, let us know ‘cos we want our fee!

Almost had another ‘shit happens’ moment, as one over exuberant lady collided with Paul W’s mike stand, sending it hurtling towards the deck. Only Steve’s last second grab with his guitar neck saved the day. Nice one mate!

Once again, post gig it was ‘Rock School’ time, as both Andy C & Steve were approached by drunken fans demanding to ‘have a go’ on their respective instruments (oo-err etc…). On asking the bloke who wanted to get to the drums if he could play, he replied, “No, but I’ve just seen him do it, so how hard can it be?”. Fair point, I guess.

Quick note to everyone for future gigs: just because you’re pissed up & shout for your favourite song, it doesn’t mean we can play it if we don’t know it! “Course you do” ain’t gonna magically imbue us with mystical download powers, and enable us to rattle it off for you (well, chances are Andy B will have a stab), and if your husband / wife / ‘partner’ wants to get up and sing something, the answer will be no. Trust me, it’s for your own protection!

Seven Stars 18th May 2007

Back at the Seven Stars for our second visit of the year. A good turn out to see us this time around and once again, there were plenty of familiar faces in the audience. Special thanks to Debs, Mandy & Marina (sounds like the title of a top shelf flick!) for taking the pics.

Always the exhibitionist, Steve was in his element, as he got to spank his plank in public for the first time, working up quite a sweat as he went at it for all he was worth. And his new guitar got a workout too! Boom boom… Yes folks, thanks to the good people at Scag Generator, Steve is now the proud owner of 55 quids worth of Epiphone SG, which comes complete with asbestos gloves so he doesn’t burn his fingers.

First airing at this gig for the By Jovi “classic” Living On A Prayer. Man, can you smell the cheese? We’d vowed never to play this, but relented after getting requests for it at pretty much every gig over the last couple of years. Being a cheesy kind of guy, Paul R was well up for it and thoroughly enjoyed himself (Once upon a time, not so long ago… nyuk nyuk nyuk). Went down well too, so looks like it’s here to stay. Bleurgh. If you can think of anything more vomit inducing for us to cover, drop us a line (Achy Breaky Heart, anyone?).

In other news, Paul W’s new bowler hat made its first appearance in public, and was an instant hit with the more mature ladies at the bar. Nowt wrong with a bit o’ vintage! Watch out for the monocle & smoking jacket at future gigs.

Derby Ward LC 13th April 2007

Ighten Leigh SC 15th April 2007

Ever had one of those days that really drags on? You look at your watch expecting hours to have gone by, but it’s actually only 5 minutes? Combine that feeling with a dodgy comedian, a shite Northern Soul disco and a 45 minute raffle (any prize you like, love, but not that one) and you’ll begin to get some sense of how we felt when we played a benefit gig at Derby Ward last week. Not too many highlights to report back on from this one folks. Suffice to say that the Big News was Steve’s new hat & Paul W giving his new bionic arm a workout.

Still, at least we could look forward to Ighten Leigh Social Club a couple of days later. Always a stand out gig in the diary this one, and as usual we weren’t disappointed. Despite the unusually sunny weather, there was a good turn out to see us, with lots of familiar faces in the crowd. The Derby Ward gig 2 days earlier had helped us blow off the cobwebs, and we were in good form (even if we say so ourselves – which we do) as we rattled through a list of everyone’s favourite tunes.

Occasionally, we throw something into the set that we think is a great track, only to find that it goes down like a lead balloon! Breakin’ the Law was a bit like that – great song that pretty much everyone knows, but for some reason it always gets a lukewarm reception so it got relegated to the subs bench. We’ve now got another one to add to the list – No Tomorrow. We like this one a lot, but without exception, it’s been met with tumbleweeds every time we played it! Mind you, at Ighten Leigh, we told the punters in advance that we wanted them to clap at the end, which they kindly did. Looks like a red card for that one, too.

Special mention to the old geezer who turned up with his pencil & paper & decided to draw each of us as we were playing. Even copious amounts of smoke couldn’t put him off! We saw the results, and frankly, Rolf Harris must be shitting himself. Unlike the gentleman in question, who judging by the stains on his pants, looked like he’d pissed himself. Sir, if you’re reading this now, email us your work and we’ll set up a special section on this site to display it on. We could call it ‘Shit Sketches’. In fact, that’s not a bad idea. Why not draw a picture of your favourite band member and send it to us? Feel free to use glitter or glue on some seashells or something like that. Maybe draw it with the wrong hand, or even your feet for added comedy value. There’s a prize for the best one we receive. Unfortunately, we can’t return your drawings, but we’ll try to display as many as possible.

Right, we’ve got a couple of weeks off now, so see you at the Seven Stars on 18^th May. Don’t forget your sketch book.

Old Market Tavern 17th March 2007

There nearly wasn’t a gig here at all, as while setting up the PA, Steve & Paul W had something of an ‘altercation’ with one of the speakers, which decided to make a bid for freedom & jump from its stand. Fortunately, it didn’t get too far as Paul’s face managed to break its fall, so there was no damage done.

So, equipment (and faces) safely beaten into submission, it was on with the show. First half was quiet, but by round two things had started to liven up a bit, with some fancy dancing from a few of the punters. One lady in particular had a fine set of, er… lungs, and provided the band with some quality entertainment throughout the evening! Madam, we salute you!

Once again, the crowd didn’t want the night to end, and we ended up playing multiple encores. We really should start charging by the song! ‘Devil Went Down to Georgia’ has been back in the set again recently, and never fails to get a good response. Forgotten just what a good number that was. Don’t be afraid of the power of Country & Western! No line dancing though, please.

A special mention for Stan and Jan two of our biggest fans from Altrincham, who turned up again to rock St Patrick's night away in good style, cheers guys we'll see you back there again soon.

Right, a few weeks off now so that we can give Biskit Towers a quick Spring clean. Next outing will be a fundraiser at Derby Ward, wherever that is (drop us a line if you want a ticket), followed by Biskit favourite Ighten Leigh Social Club on 15^th April. See you there!

Wagon & Horses 10th March 2007

What a gig this one was. Right up there with some of the best we’ve ever had. As with our last visit here a couple of months ago, there were plenty of punters out to enjoy themselves, which they certainly did, in some style! Dancing and singing-a-plenty from all concerned, and thanks to the power of wireless, Steve, Paul R & Paul W were able to get out there and join in the fun. We managed to get through pretty much everything in our repertoire - even perennial stand-by ‘Breakin The Law’ managed to get a run out, with a fine response. Plenty of head banging and general tomfoolery during ‘Rosie’ rounded off the night & ensured that everyone went home feeling warm & fuzzy.

Andy C was singled out by one particular lady, who announced to the entire pub that, “He’s the fittest bloke in the band”. That’s probably true, but in this band, it’s nothing to be proud of...

After the gig, one excited punter came over to congratulate Andy B on his musical prowess, extolling the virtues of his fine fretwork for all to hear. “Yeah, you’re a great bass player, mate!” he proclaimed. We’re still not sure if Andy was flattered or insulted, but the bloke was last seen extracting 6 (count ‘em) machine heads from his arse. And a plectrum.