The Railway 21st July 2006

Ighten Leigh SC 23rd July 2006

K’in ‘ell, it’s ‘ot, innit?

Here at Biskit Towers, we’re all currently sporting the traditional English sun tan of v-neck & cuffs, and proudly wearing our Union Jack shorts, complete with sandals and white socks. Magic.

All this tropical weather made for hot work at our two gigs over the weekend. First stop was the Railway on 21^st July, where there were just as many punters outside in the air conditioned beer lounge as there were inside. Always a good venue for us this one, and we weren’t disappointed this time round, as there was much dancing and frivolity, despite the soaring temperature. Hats off in particular to the ladies who were up there, shaking their thang all night. We reckon they’d been on it all day. Ladies, we salute you! Thanks to wireless technology, both Barnstoneworth & Paul W were able to get out and join them at various points (see pics), and a good time was had by all! Special mention to the bloke who danced like a lunatic to Comfortably Numb. I think that the solemnity of the moment was lost on him… A couple of new tunes made it in to the set too, as Hard to Handle & Black Night got their first official airings.

Sunday afternoon brought us to Ighten Leigh Social Club in Burnley. What can we say about this place? It just gets better & better for us here. Once again, the temperatures were going through the roof, and we were worried that people would want to spend the afternoon at home in the garden rather than indulge in The Gift Of Rock n Roll. Thankfully, good sense prevailed, and there was a fine turn out of punters who’d decided that the best cure for the summertime blues was to get out to the pub and get leathered. One of the best things about ILSC is the range of people that turn out. From nippers (remember parents – start ‘em early on Junior Beer) to oldies, everyone was there to have a good time.

The Crumpet-o-Meter was put through its paces once again, and ended up blowing a valve, such was its excitement at all that lovely flesh on display. The mysterious ‘Judge Jugs’ went home a happy man…

Paul W made a new friend in the shape of Georgia Ged (see pics) and here was one particularly frightening moment, when an over exuberant ‘dancer’ hurled herself at Paul R. She came running at him full pelt, and for a second we were convinced she was going to chin him. But no! The Gift Of Rock n Roll was upon her, and lo, she did proceed to roll around on the floor like some kind of misinformed break dancer. Praise the lord!

The afternoon was rounded off by Georgia Ged stepping up to the mic to give everyone his own, special version of Sweet Home Alabama, accompanied by what we can only assume was some strange kind of Southern mating dance. Fair play to him, he was doing alright with the ‘more mature’ ladies…!

So, that’s it from us for a few weeks. We’re off on our jollies now, so we’ll see you by the seaside, dodging the turds & rubber johnnies. Last one in buys the candyfloss.

The Woolpack 8th July 2006

8^th July, and we were back at one of our favourite haunts, The Woolpack in Radcliffe. What a night! It was clear from the start that everyone was out for a good time – no problems with people being ‘too cool to clap’ here. The crowd response was brilliant, as it always is at this place. Luckily, San Miguel had been removed from the menu, so Andy B made it through the night without too many mishaps! Once again, thanks to Cheryl for the free beer.

Last time we were here, one punter who shall remain nameless (because we don’t know her name) decided to take one of Andy C’s soiled drumsticks for a souvenir. We won’t go in to the details of what she said she was going to do with it, but let’s just say no one at Biskit Towers was volunteering to help her take the splinters out! Andy C was most disappointed that she didn’t return it this time! He’s a sick puppy…

Paul R continued the good work and had picked up another couple of songs since last week’s Pigeons’ gig, so it won’t be long before he’s 100% gig fit.

There was plenty of dancing – hi-lights included the old geezer playing ‘air walking stick’ to Whiskey in the Giro, and the bloke who swapped his t-shirt for a ladies blouse. Funnily enough, it belonged to the lady who stole the drumstick! Sadly, there was a slight discrepancy in size – the bloke looked like the guy who scores the goal in the Carling advert, while the blouse was a size 8. Cue much hilarity as Carling Man cavorts in undersized ladies clothing, which promptly rips a-la The Incredible Hulk, leaving him with nothing but a scraggy piece of cloth to cover his modesty. All this wobbly flesh on display had a strange effect on Paul W, who made good use of his new wireless system to get out there and join Carling Man for a boogie. Only those with a strong constitution should look at the pics.

And we had another offer of a wedding booking from the nice lady who’s boyfriend proposed to her as Beck’s scored his last goal as England captain. Now that’s true love…!

Our 2^nd encore was Highway Star – a personal favourite here at Biskit Towers – and Steve managed to break a string just before the twin guitar solo. Watching him lovingly fling his guitar on the floor in disgust, then struggle to plug his spare guitar in, brought a tear to everyone’s eye. Nice one, Steve, I think we got away with it!

But, the show was well and truly stolen by Tank Girl, who after thoroughly enjoying the gig, decided to grab Paul W’s bass and show ‘em how it’s done (see pics). Never one to shy away from a challenge, Andy C decided to join her for an impromptu rendition of, er… well, we think it may have been something by Pantera. Answers on a postcard please. Still, she was certainly easier on the eye than Paul W, so if I were him, I’d start looking for another gig, or start growing breasts. Either way, I’d be shitting myself!

We’ve got a week off now before two (count ‘em), yes two gigs in one weekend. First up will be The Railway on 21^st July, followed by a Sunday afternoon knees up at Ighten Leigh SC. Two more places that score highly on the Fun Factor, so be sure not to miss out, as we’re then taking a few weeks off for holidays / breast enhancement.

See ya oot there!

Three Pigeons 1st July 2006

Biskits are back (in black)!

Yes, hello again from Biskit Towers. My word, it seems like a l-o-n-g time since we were last here doesn’t it? And what an eventful few weeks it’s been for us. Grab yourself a cold one while I tell you all about it…

The biggest news of course, has been the departure of front man / all round nice bloke Sweary Jon. No point in raking over all the details again - suffice to say that Jon’s commitments out there in The Real World made it difficult for him to continue with the band. So, he decided to hang up his mic and fuck off to his country estate, where he can shoot peasants and eat swan all day, with the other toffs. Andy B, Andy C, Stevie Love & Paul W wish him all the best.

SO… step forward new singist Paul Regent. Paul’s timely arrival at Biskit Towers one dark night, meant that we only had to cancel one gig (Glass Barrel). His debut should have been at the Bridge Inn on 24^th June, but they’ve got problems of their own at the moment, and have cancelled all gigs for the short term. Good news for Paul R (too many people here with the same name now – more on that later), as this gave him an extra week to get his chops in to shape and learn the set. Which he did in fine style – his first outing at the Three Pigeons on 1^st July came after only 5 rehearsals. Hard to believe that he’s never sang with a band before. He’s so good, he even got a round of applause for doing a mic check, the git! The other irritating thing about him, is that he’s so bloody young. Still, at least he’s helping out the rest of us by lowering the bands’ average age to about 40. Nice one mate!

Following on from Eng-er-lands’ early bath in the World Cup, we weren’t sure how things would go at the Pigeons. But, there were plenty of punters out to drown their sorrows, so it turned out alright in the end. Paul R belted ‘em out like a veteran and everyone was happy again by closing time. The Crumpet-o-Meter (patent pending) was in the red all night, and their was plenty of flesh on view (for those who like that sort of thing, of course).

Other news comes on the equipment front. No, not THAT kind of equipment (honestly, can’t take you anywhere can we?) – we’re talking about our brand spanking new shiny PA, which made a world of difference to the sound out front. Andy C is still the only person that knows how to use it though, so his job’s safe for now! Paul W is now also operating wireless, so be prepared for some bassist / crowd interaction at gigs in the future. You have been warned.

Now, as mentioned earlier, there’s something of an identity crisis going on here at Biskit Towers. Andy, Andy, Paul & Paul works a treat, but then you get to Steve, and the symmetry goes to shit. So it was decided that Steve should nip out and change his name by deed poll, so that he fitted in better with the rest of the band. However, somewhere along the line, Steve must have misunderstood, because he returned to inform us that from this day forward, he would be known as Barnstoneworth United Otterthwaite. The fuckwit.

Righty-ho, we’ve got a busy few weeks up ahead, with the Woolpack next up on 8^th July, followed by gigs at The Railway & Ighten Leigh SC, before we take our annual holidays in August. Be sure to check the gigs page regularly, as more dates are being added all the time.

Toodle-pip. Andy B, Andy C, Paul R, Paul W & Barnstoneworth (ahem).

Printers Arms 20th May 2006

The Golden Cross in Oswaldtwistle has long been one of our favourite venues – a guaranteed night of drunkenness, with singing and dancing a-plenty, not to mention the excitement of watching the Crumpet-O-Meter (patent pending) shake itself to pieces as it blast it’s way through the red zone.

So, it was with great enthusiasm that we headed off to The Printers’ in Blackburn, for a gig that had been booked as a result of our last visit to the ‘Cross, a night that had introduced us to that nice lady with the pink undies (who we shall refer to only as Mini Mouse from here on in). For some unknown reason, we’d kept in touch with her, and she’d promised to bring all her friends along to The Printers’.

First impressions were good, as Carol the landlady handed us all a free pint on arrival (other venues, please take note!). Steve began the delicate process of calibrating the Crumpet-O-Meter (patent pending) and we waited with baited breath for the good people of Blackburn to start rolling in.

True to her word, Mini Mouse and her friends arrived, all looking very lovely (see pics), but sadly they were all keeping their pink underpants under wraps this time, despite Carol’s earlier promise that they would be on show. They were all soon in to the swing of things, obviously having a fine old time, sending the poor old Crumpet-O-Meter (patent pending) in to overdrive with their gyrating antics. Poor old Sweary Jon had put his back out a few days earlier (picking his wallet up), but this didn’t stop him entering in to the spirit of things with real gusto (great word) as he joined in the fun by clambering all over the furniture and gurning for the cameras. By the way, if you’ve got any pics, send ‘em to us and we’ll add them to the gallery for all to enjoy.

Hi-light of the night has to have been ‘Sweet Home Alabama’, which we’d learned especially for Mini and her mates. In fact, they enjoyed it so much we played it twice!

All in all, a great night – just what we needed to bury the ghost of Royton Con Club.

We’re looking forward to playing The Printers’ again later in the year, so don’t forget to check the gig dates page for regular updates. Oh yeah, if you’re the bloke who wanted to book us for his wedding (straight after listening to the sound check), drop us a line, because we need the money. And if you’re the lady who told Paul he ‘looked really nice’, his wife has offered to lend you her glasses!

See ya next time.

Royton Con Club 5th May 2006

Welcome one and all, to Biskit Towers, home of your favourite, er, Biskits, for an update on our latest exploits in the world of rock n roll.

And what a strange gig we have to report back on from Royton Conservative Club. We’d rescheduled this one a few times due to other commitments (and once because our gig coincided with their annual bowls club piss up), so we were looking forward to finally meeting the good people of Royton and giving them a night to remember. We’ve played in Oldham a few times, but never had a really good night there, so we were sure that tonight would put that right!

By the time we got started, there were literally, 30 or so people crammed in to the massive function room. Never mind, we thought, sure to pick up as the night goes on. How mistaken we were. We played our hearts out to the same number of people all night. Still, at least they were enjoying it - there was a good response to all the songs and the ‘crowd’ were even big enough to admit enjoying ‘Wouldn’t it be Good’, despite this being a rock night. No musical snobbery here! And for the ladies out there, we even managed to get some rare pics of Andy C – calm yourselves!!!

Hats off to the two geezers who got up to dance to all the classic rock – they helped to make an average night into something slightly more tolerable. They also gave us their names after the gig (which Paul swiftly lost), and a recommendation for another Oldham boozer who we’ve already been in touch with.

After the gig, Jon & Paul were taking a leak in the gents, when one of the old boys from the committee wanders in to settle up. The cheeky bastard had the nerve to offer us less money. Folks, let me tell you, it’s never a good idea to try and short change drunken musicians who have had a crap night. The nice old man was told in no uncertain terms that it would be in his best interest to pay up in full if he didn’t want to have his face stuck in the urinal. This tactic worked a treat, and the rest of the money mysteriously appeared quick as a flash. We reckon that this is his regular little scam that he pulls on unsuspecting bands. Some for you, some for me. So, if you’re another band reading this and you’re lined up to play Royton Con Club, firstly make sure you take shit loads of people with you, and secondly watch out for this robbing old fucker. That was a community awareness message from Broken Biskits.

Oh, and by the way, if you’re the resident keyboard player (what ever you do, DON’T touch the equipment on stage) and if you’re wondering who turned all your amps up to 11, that was me. Hope it didn’t hurt your ears too much.

Hopefully, back to reality on 20^th May at the Printers Arms in Blackburn, where if the message has got through, none of the ladies will be wearing underpants. But they might be wearing vests.

Pip pip.

The Railway 14th April 2006

The Queens 22nd April 2006

A couple of cracking gigs to report back to you on. First up was our return visit to The Railway on 14^th April. Last time we’d played here, Sweary Jon’s mates turned up in force to drink and dance themselves stupid(er) and once again, they were out in force to blow off the cobwebs with some quality rock n roll.

Special mention to our good friend (and Andy C’s apprentice drummer) Jenny - see our report from the Barlow Institute - who, having previously been barred from The Railway for pouring her own beer, turned up in disguise, complete with dodgy wig & sunglasses. There was no mistaking those paradiddles though…

At the end of the night we played Kaiser Chiefs’ “I Predict A Riot” and there very nearly was one as Jon’s mates threw their pint pots and each other around the room in that special way that only pissed up middle aged men can. It was a truly beautiful moment… We’re back again in July.

22^nd April, and we were at The Queens in Chorley. Can’t believe it’s taken us so long to get around to playing at this top boozer. Once again, GPS took us on a Magical Mystery Tour to find the place, including a brief visit to another pub in Chorley called The Queens, where they also had bands on, which was a little confusing to say the least! Any road up, once there, we took a few moments to marvel at the worlds largest / longest cat flap (no jokes please) before setting up the gear and waiting for Chorley’s finest to load up with ale. Which they did in fine style. Two songs in to the first set, a couple of over exuberant dancing punters decided to treat Stevie Love’s effects board to a drink by kicking a pint of lager all over it. The effects board then decided to take a short break to enjoy its beer, and not even the promise of a kebab could coax it back in to life. The only option was for long standing Biskit hanger on Aiden (he’s the bloke wot takes the pictures) to take the sopping effects board to the gents to dry it out under the hand dryer. Que much hilarity as 6 blokes loiter in the mens bogs armed with screwdrivers and gaffa tape. Once we were back up and running, we were joined on stage for the first of our two (count ‘em) special guests of the evening. Queens’ local Tim (know anything in ‘A’ lads?) had brought his moothie and gave it plenty during ‘Rocks’, and was closely followed by fellow regular Martin, who sang lead vocals on ‘Creep’. His uncanny resemblance to Freddie Mercury obviously wasn’t holding him back…

It’s always good to meet the punters after a gig, and here at Biskit Towers, we like to go that extra mile by getting as close as possible, as Paul proved by getting his head wedged down one lady’s ample cleavage (see pics). For the record, Judge Jugs awarded them 10/10. “They were like kneecaps” said our sober spokesman. God knows what he’d be like if he was pissed…

Next up is Royton Con Club in Oldham on 5^th May. We’ll see you there.

9th April 2006 Ighten Leigh Social Club

We’d been looking forward to this gig for ages – our return visit to Ighten Leigh Social Club in Burnley. This one had really surprised us last time we were there. As it was a Sunday afternoon gig, we’d expected the place to be half empty, full of old geezers waiting for the bingo, but we were amazed to find it to be a top venue that turned out to be one of the hi-lights of our year. So expectations were high as we tucked in to our subsidised beer and cut price pork scratchings…

And we weren’t disappointed. As with our last visit, the place was packed to the rafters with thirsty punters who were well up for a spot of rock n roll. Right from the off, they were singing & dancing – probably because, unlike every other poor bugger out there, they weren’t having to wash the car or ‘put those bloody shelves up, how many times do I have to tell you’ on a Sunday afternoon.

One of our favourite pastimes here at Biskit Towers, is ‘Spot The Nutter’. It’s a game we like to indulge in at every gig, and to be honest, it’s usually easy enough to play, as there’s always at least one punter who’s been on the sauce since opening time and can’t contain their excitement. We love our Nutters here in Biskitville. However, in a clever twist, The Nutter at Ighten Leigh Social Club turned out to be someone who wasn’t even tall enough to see over the bar. No, it wasn’t the bass player, but Nathan, a young man who had obviously been in serious training for this role for quite some time. He even brought his own inflatable guitar, which to be honest, was just showing off. Mind you, it did need re-inflating a couple of times through the gig. He got stuck in from the start, giving Steve & Andy B a run for their money on the solo’s, before being hoisted in to the air by Jon to help out with vocal duties on a couple of numbers. Nathan later informed us that he has his own band, The Face Melters (remember the name folks – you heard it here first), who are obviously destined for great things if they’re all as talented as he is! Fair play to ya Nathan, that’s what rock n roll’s all about. Hopefully, we’ll be back at Ighten Leigh later in the year for another Sunday afternoon special.

Right, next up for us is The Railway on 14^th April. Last time we were there, we were fortunate enough to see a fight which involved an alleged member of The Krankies, so it’ll have to go some to be a better night than that. See ya there.